Doomsday with Duct Tape is a guide to surviving pandemic armageddon, DIY-style. On today’s episode, Duct Tape walks us through the basics of an aquaponic garden and fish farm. Hyperlinks have been added by the editor, just in case you want to learn more. A diagram by Lidia Altagracia (below) makes it crystal clear.

Everybody’s learning to garden and raise land mammals these days. If you want to get ahead of the curve, you need to start a seafood farm. There are several ways to do this.

Before you start scheming and plotting, get yourself motivated. Think about dinner: tilapia are an easily bred fish. They are tasty and simple to prepare. Snails are equally low maintenance, and delicious! They really just can’t be killed — unless ya soak ’em in homemade wine, then sauté them with some tasty clams and garlic in olive oil, and more wine. Water plants, like lettuce, water spinach, and lotus, can be used for good vegetable sources as well. 

I recommend getting a 14ft tall plastic jug or some other vessel (like a perfectly good boat), some solar pumps, and underwater grow lights. You are going to need about 50 tilapia to start your colony, but be sure to get your filter feeders in first. Man, you get them tilapia in there with them grow lights, under a nice mat of Lemna minor, also known as water lettuce. It tastes like spinach. Just play some of that Barry White next to the jug and they’ll multiply like mad. Your Tilapia-system can be used in tandem with an aquafarm to really pump out the food. Be sure to put flotation bags around your tub, or boat, or whatever, so that if floodwaters rise outside the tank, your farm is safe.

Tonight’s menu: escargot, water lettuce, fish, clams, and mussels. How’s that sound? Once you’ve got it set up, you don’t need to do much of anything except occasionally toss in some feed. There’s a whole big buffet in your backyard now- and you can swim in the damn thing too!

If the drinking water goes bad in your area, filter and boil your tank water. The plants and filter feeders will make the water safe from chemicals, and it should taste great.

Bonus Points: If you like a drug you are probably going to want to know how to make it. The apocalypse is gonna leave you jonesin’, so figure out how to grow and care for the drugs you want. You can integrate them with your pond system too! With enough fish in your tank, you should have sufficient nutrients for a large garden of great stuff (just remember to recycle your water back into the pond when it drains out.)



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